1 Corinthians 7:1-9—marriage & singleness
1 Corinthians – Part 10 — 1 Corinthians 7:1-9
Stonebrook Sunday AM, 03/22/26, Brad Barrett
introduction
We are in a sermon series going through a fascinating letter written by a man named Paul.He was God’s primary spokesman for Jesus Christ.It’s a hard letter.Many problems.About a dozen major topics addressed.
Previously in Corinthians
We have already looked at six chapters.
- He begins the letter by recounting the glorious, heavenly, Spirit-driven work in their lives because of Jesus. (1:1-9)
- But since Paul had left Corinth, the church largely fell back into old patterns of thinking:pride, boasting, quarreling.They were worldly and immature.Spiritual babies. (1:10-4:21)
- Then chapters 5 and 6 reveal additional serious problems:a lack of fear of God over unrepentant sin in the church, the sin of sexual immorality and other grievous sins.(5:1-6:20)
We see problems from beginning to end of this letter, and one way to summarize it is Paul’s basic message so far, as Matt said last week, might be:“You belong to Christ, not to Corinth.Act like it.”
Now in chapter 7 we are going to see some new problems manifested in marriage.We might even say it’s the opposite problem from the immorality that was so rampant in the city and in parts of the church.
to those married… (7:1-7)
1 Now in response to the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
2 But because sexual immorality is so common, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman should have sexual relations with her own husband.
3 A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband.
4 A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does.
5 Do not deprive one another—except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.
7 I wish that all people were as I am. But each has his own gift from God, one person has this gift, another has that.
First, this topic can be awkward to talk about in public.It is for me.When I was growing up, no one talked about such things.So if it’s awkward for you right now, I feel that.
But let’s set aside the awkwardness, for God himself put this in the Bible.And it’s in the middle of a heaven-inspired letter that Paul wrote to a church.People just like us.The letter was intended to be read out loud to the whole church.
When we compare the passage we just read to chapters 5 and 6, Paul is dealing with a very different problem, though the roots of that problem are the same.In chapters 5 and 6, Paul is correcting some serious problems involving all sorts of sins, especially sexual immorality.
Chapter 6 reveals, though, that when we believe in Jesus, everything changes.
- We are washed by Jesus’s blood
- Sanctified (made holy)
- Justified (declared righteous)
- Resurrected by his power
- Indwelt by the Holy Spirit
- Redeemed by Christ
One of the key reasons the Lord calls us to holiness and sexual purity is because He owns us.
6:19-20 are key:“You are not your own, for you were bought at a price.So glorify God with your body.”
The Corinthians were running wild in their passions and exhibiting no self-control.
So Paul reveals (again) that Jesus is their Creator and their Lord.He owns the Corinthians (and us) twice over.We all belong to him.So we should follow him and glorify him.
It’s important to know that this will carry over into our passage today.
Having just read chapters 5 and 6, we now read chapter 7:1:
“It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
At first glance, since we have just read chapters 5 and 6 and all the problems with sexual immorality, we might assume that they are saying that it is good not to be immoral (which is true).
But the context of vs. 2-5 makes it clear the Corinthians are speaking of different problem.And a problem within marriage.
Many Christians and pastors and churches have misunderstood and misapplied parts of this passage.I am among them.
Before we try to understand what is being said here, let’s zoom out for a moment.One of the key rules to understanding the Bible is that we must FIRST seek to understand what the biblical author intended to say to his original audience.When Paul wrote, what did he want the Corinthians to know?
That is always the first step in interpreting the Bible.Not, how should I apply it. Not, is there some new meaning.Our first task is, what did Paul mean when he wrote to this church?
So now back to verse 1, we read that the Corinthians have recently written a letter to Paul with some comments or questions.So Paul is responding to that.
Most English translations place the second half of this verse in quotes.Bibles today are translated into our languages from the ancient Greek language that the NT was ordinally written in.
Ancient Greek did not use quotations, but it seems Paul is quoting their letter back to them.He is NOT making his own statement here.This is a very important distinction.If we miss this point, we may misunderstand what follows.
So the Corinthians had written to Paul, “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
Literally, what the Greek says is, “It is good for a man to not touch a woman.”In first century culture, “to touch a woman” was a euphemism, a cultural expression, for “sexual relations.”So many English translations write it that way.
Then the question is, What have the Corinthians written to Paul about?When we read vs. 2-5, we have a good idea of what they were saying.They were saying to Paul, “So we should abstain from sexual activity even within marriage, right?Even married couples should be celibate?”
Why would they say this?We don’t know with absolute certainty.
But as Matt spoke of last week, a common philosophy in the Roman world was called Gnostic Dualism, which views the physical as bad, even evil.The intellectual and rational are the highest order. So anything that is physically pleasurable such as sexual desires within marriage are bad and should be avoided.
Whether it is that or some other reason, some of the Corinthians in vs. 1 are saying, “It’s a good thing to be celibate in marriage.”
Paul denounces that view.
One reason in vs. 2 is because sexual immorality is so rampant in the Corinthian culture.And in chapters 5 and 6, we’ve already seen that problem.The Corinthians have no self-control. The husband and wife have God-given, good physical desires that are intended to be fulfilled within marriage.
And in vs. 3, Paul continues his argument against complete celibacy by saying that both the husband and the wife have a duty to the other for sexual relations.The husband has a duty to his wife to not be celibate.The wife has a duty to her husband to not be celibate.
In vs. 4, Paul speaks further of the mutuality in marriage.Neither the husband nor the wife should cling to their own rights.This is very important.There is a oneness in marriage, and this should be lived out in mutuality.In the first century Paul’s words here would have been groundbreaking.In the Roman male-dominated world, men had rights over their wives, but the wives had no such rights.But Paul is saying, “There is mutuality to this.”
In vs. 5, the word “deprive” is important.There is a “deprivation” in a celibate marriage.Some of the Corinthians were doing this.
The emphasis in vs. 3-5 is not about claiming our rights from our spouse, as in demanding.The emphasis is about our responsibility to one another.The reader has to take responsibility for himself or herself.
This is the way of the “one another” commands throughout the NT.Like “love one another” and “pray for one another.”It is not my responsibility or my right to demand someone love me a certain way.It IS my responsibility to love others how God has called me to.
Paul then says there is one reason they may choose short-term abstention: if they mutually agree to a time of prayer.Like fasting.But Paul recognizes the good and God-given physical passions, so he says,“Don’t prolong that fasting—that short term abstinence—because Satan may tempt you to be immoral in sexual activity outside of the marriage.”
And he recognizes how little self-control they have.The fruit of the Spirit is self-control, and they aren’t exhibiting that fruit.
In vs. 5, the word “agree” is important.
The Greek word is sumphonos.You might notice it looks like the word, “symphony.”The word means, “harmony,” like a symphony.An orchestra plays in harmony, where each instrument plays different notes but it’s designed to play together in beauty and enjoyment.
The Lord calls a husband and wife to work together in this area like an orchestra in harmony.And not only in this area, but in all areas.We might think of the word, “oneness,” where the two people shall become one in marriage.Two distinct people now one in spirit, mind, and body.
Paul does not stress the duty of either partner at the expense of the other.Rather, he is stressing the importance of giving rather than getting.Marriage is the giving of oneself to another.
Vs. 6-7 are intriguing.
Paul says, “Personally, I wish everyone was single (and celibate) like me.”Why does he say this?Is he against marriage?
Let’s read vs. 8-9 before we comment on vs. 6-7.
to those single… (7:8-9)
8 I say to the unmarried and to widows:It is good for them if they remain as I am.
9 But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, since it is better to marry than to burn with desire.
At first glance, vs. 6-9 sound like Paul is against marriage.
Vs. 7, “I wish everyone was single like me.”
Vs. 8, “And if you’re unmarried or widowed, stay that way.”
Paul has two concessions.
The first is that he acknowledges in vs. 7 that the Lord gives each person a gift.God himself gives some people the gift of marriage, and he gives to others the gift of singleness.The Lord himself gives these good things to all.This is a beautiful word that elevates both singleness and marriage.Both are gifts from heaven.There is no inferiority of one and superiority of another.
His second concession about marriage at a glance seems quite negative.We could wrongly read vs. 9 as, “Well, if you can’t control your physical urges, then I guess you should get married,” as if marriage was morally inferior and being single was morally superior.
Why does Paul like singleness so much?His words here won’t make much sense if we don’t read all of chapter 7.But because I suspect you don’t want to listen to a 2-hour sermon this morning, we are breaking chapter 7 up into three sermons.And today we’re covering only 25% of the chapter.Almost always as we read the Bible, though, we can make sense of a shorter passage better when we understand the larger context.The bigger picture.
So let me give the bigger picture of chapter 7.In this entire chapter—40 verses— at the risk of me oversimplifying,Paul focuses on at least two things simultaneously:
- He gives much-needed instructions on marriage, singleness, divorce, and remarriage.
- He urges them to live wholly and fully for Christ.To not be distracted by all the pressures and desires of this world, even if they’re not sinful.
Paul’s great passion here and in all of his letters is, “Live for Christ. And to be on mission to point other people to Christ.”
Jesus said the same thing another way.He said the greatest commandment is to love the Lord our God with ALL we have.All our heart.All our soul.All our mind.All our strength.
This is Paul’s greatest passion here in chapter 7.
Paul later says in the chapter:
1 Corinthians 7:35 CSB I am saying this for your own benefit, not to put a restraint on you, but to promote what is proper and so that you may be devoted to the Lord without distraction.
We will talk much more about this in 4 weeks (after Palm Sunday and Easter and then looking at the middle portion of chapter 7).
But for now, when we read vs. 6-9, we have to understand where Paul is headed.He is so focused on following Jesus and being on mission for him that he wants to minimize anything that seems to hinder that.He wants us to ask and answer, “Whether we are single or married, how can we keep Jesus at the very center of our hearts and minds?”
So Paul here is addressing some specific problems.And he is not trying to give a comprehensive teaching on marriage.
And Paul doesn’t dislike marriage.He is for it, not against it.
- He just said God gives some the gift of marriage.
- He knew Genesis 2, that God Himself had created marriage to be good.
- Just a few years after writing to the Corinthians, Paul wrote a letter to the Ephesians about the glories of marriage, that it is a picture of Jesus Christ and his bride, the Church.(Eph 5:22-33).How glorious marriage is!!
- To his disciple Timothy (1 Tim 4:3), Paul later wrote condemning anyone who forbids marriage.
- In addition, the other apostles like Peter were married.They weren’t in sin or living a second-best kind of life.
So again here in vs. 8, Paul is hinting at a main point of the chapter:He wants everyone to be wholly devoted to Christ. Personally Paul likes the single, celibate life.He sees advantages of it. But even if we’re married, he wants us to keep Christ central.
other comments
Let me give some other thoughts about our passage we have read today:
- As we looked at from verses 4-5, the emphasis within the marriage is mutuality.Harmony.Like a symphony.
So with this area of sexual relations within marriage, this is not about either spouse demanding his/her way. This is not about using the sexual relation in marriage as a weapon.As manipulation.For control. For payback.Domination.Coercion. Such things are sinful and anti-gospel.
For couples to walk in harmony in this area, conversation and humility and love are needed.And the Holy Spirit is powerful enough and wise enough to help us.
The challenges in our marriages may not be the absolute celibacy that Paul is writing about.But there can be some related challenges within the marriage.
So may we talk honestly and humbly with our spouses.And may we not be afraid or ashamed to ask for advice.
Remember for all of us, whether married or single, our goal from 6:19-20 is to glorify God.We live to please him, not ourselves.He can help us live in harmony.
- Second, there may be good reasons why a couple may need to abstain from the sexual relationship for brief periods of time.
For example, some of us come into marriage with some bad experiences— such as sexual abuse— that color our view of the sexual relationship within marriage.Such things can make it very difficult to unsort the evil from the good.It’s all tangled up in a pile.I sympathize with that tangled-ness.I have talked to a few of you about such things.We don’t simply flip a switch to see it rightly and untangle it instantly.
There may be a need to slow down, have some deeper conversations, and get some counseling about those dark experiences, so that you can grow together through it all. Remember the goal is harmony like a symphony.
This WILL take patience and understanding.And it will take self-control which every one of us CAN have if we have the Spirit dwelling within us.
- Third, verses 2, 5, and 9 might give the idea that once a person is married, all sexual temptation is gone.That simply is not true.
Now, a good, Christ-centered, harmonious marriage certainly helps in the area of temptation.God brings blessings to us in this area.But we still have a flesh, and we still have an enemy, the devil.
If you are married and you are not happy and harmonious in this area of sexual relations, that is not an excuse for immoral thinking and behaving.And it is not an excuse for demanding your way.
Grace from God is always available to you in any situation.
And similarly, if you are single, and your passions are running hot, God CAN and WILL give you grace to walk in holiness as a single.
Application:what now?
Let me offer two things we can take from our brief passage today.
- I have already mentioned it, but whether you are married or single, don’t be ashamed to get help in this area of sexual relations and temptations.
Seek help in prayer, from the Scriptures, and from wise advisors.
- Second, my final word is about hope.
As we look at our passage today and the previous 6 chapters, we see a church filled with many problems. Significant problems. Yet perhaps oddly, we can see Corinthians as a very hope-filled letter.
Yes, their problems are many.Their challenges are deep.We can wonder, “Is anything going right in this church?Will Paul give up on them?Will God give up on them?”
But Paul, under inspiration from the Spirit of God, is writing this letter because he knows the Lord can help.And he will help.
Our lives, our families, and our church can be a tangled mess at times, perhaps even similar to the Corinthians. Perhaps in this area of sex.Perhaps in areas like pride, immaturity, and tribalism, like we have read in chapters 1-4.Or perhaps in other areas in our lives.
But for each one of us, there is hope that we can walk through and grow in holiness, for God is more powerful than we are.His Spirit is at work in us.His grace is sufficient for us.His good can overcome our bad.
Later in the letter, we find Paul’s hope-filled words to this sin-plagued church.
1 Corinthians 10:13 CSBNo temptation has come upon you except what is common to humanity. But God is faithful;he will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to bear it.
Back in Chapters 1 and 2, Paul has acknowledged that the Corinthians have the power of God available to them in the gospel.And God’s Spirit is active in their lives.(If you want further study on the Holy Spirit’s role, study Galatians 5 with a friend or your spouse.)
Somehow and in some way, by the help of the Holy Spirit, no matter the trial or the temptation, the Lord can and will help us.No circumstance or temptation will ever be too much for us to the point where we HAVE to sin or we CANNOT trust him.
Last Sunday we sang one of my favorite songs, He Will Hold Me Fast. I love the first stanza:
When I fear my faith may fail
Christ will hold me fast
When the tempter would prevail
He will hold me fast
Even when our faith is shaky and temptations are strong, God will not let his children go.
Parents, when you walk across a busy street with your 3-year hold, you are holding much tighter to the child’s hand than they are to yours.If they stumble or try to run away, your grip is firm and sure.
How much more will our heavenly Father hold on to us.Out of his great love for us, even when we were his enemies, he sent his Son to die for us.How much more now can we be confident of his love for us.
May this letter we call 1st Corinthians help us find hope from heaven for our lives.
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